Is academia worth it?

Almost every person I’ve met in graduate school so far, can’t wait to leave academia as soon as possible. I don’t mean it as a bad thing. If it’s not for you, get the degree and get out. Your mental health matters the most. Wherever you find yourself happy and peaceful, stick there.

Now to the “outliers” of the lot. So far, I’m the only one in the entire cohort and probably in the department itself. Everyone who sees me talk about how I want to stay in academia (with glimmering eyes) must be secretly thinking, “There’s something wrong with the noggin’ for sure, with this one.” Truth be told, I wonder that myself too.

As many of us already know, academia is not the best place to be in many regards. I guess it’s true in many parts of the world, not just in the US or Sri Lanka (I draw examples from my closest experiences; apologies!). Obviously, the pay is garbage. You wouldn’t have work-life balance. There are power dynamics at play. It’s all political! Odds are that even if you could survive, you would have many scars to prove it! Seeing how my own boss is trying to keep up as an early-career PI, I know these things firsthand.

Which brings me to many discussions I’ve had with my own PI. It’s not all the time that you meet people, and you think, “Their crazy matches my crazy,” and here’s one. A 32-year-old (30 something when started — yes, he’s the youngest professor in the department), whose fellow colleagues settled for better jobs in the industry, decided to pursue a career in academia. I asked, why? And he would tell me, “It’s true that academia isn’t perfect. But the satisfaction it leaves you with is immeasurable.”

Hey! That’s what I would tell someone myself. I’ve had little hints of “satisfaction” when I was working as a temporary lecturer back home for a brief two years. Not that all my classes were happy to see me, but there was this one class I was looking forward to, and the same energy reciprocated from the group of students. I had to mentor a group of 10 in their Fundamental Engineering Design project. The times that we had (through Zoom, thanks to the dystopian years we lived, if anyone remembers that by now) were the best. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary other than genuinely listening to all the ideas that they brought to the table. Making a space for their thoughts really made the difference. I may not be the most approachable human being to walk this earth (We’re INFP), but I tried my best to not have a thick wall between us. And yes, that led the group to put in their best efforts to make the teamwork their dream work. We didn’t come up with the best project idea (because all of them were wonderful), but my kids were all inspired and proud of what they accomplished and excited about what the future in MSE would bring.

I hold this experience dear in a special place in my heart for many reasons. Most importantly, at this point in my life, I was certain about my future aspirations. I would call it the one true inspiration that drove me through rough times and tough obstacles in the first year of graduate school. I think of them being “wowed” by their own brainstorming sessions and building their project brick by brick, all 10 of them attending the Zoom class without missing a week. I always feel that this is it! This is what I was called for!

Fast forward to grad school, and I have had the fortune to mentor very unique individuals, starting with the first undergraduate that I mentored, pursuing grad studies in our group. My summer APEX mentee also turned out to be a passionate kid who adapted to research culture within a week (she had just left high school by the time she joined the group) and delivered an awesome poster presentation at the end of the program. Her findings are the very foundation on which I will build my next project!

Recently, I’ve had one of those “full circle” moments.

I was meeting my GradSWE mentee for the first time, and my advisor was passing by, and he stopped for a little chat. He came to us, saying, “Hello! Are we inspiring young minds here, Naya?” and then told my mentee, “Listen to what she says. She’s great!” And he left, telling me to stop by his office after. I continued chatting with my mentee, and we talked about the anxious “transition” to grad school during the senior year of undergrads and all the challenges that usually come with it. By the end, we were both moved by what we both had to offer to our mentor-mentee relationship and how it would evolve. She said, “I think this is one of the best conversations I had in a long time and thank you so much for being so understanding and not thinking I’m crazy.”

This is one of the most wholesome experiences I had during that week, and it made me realize how much I enjoy being amongst “young minds,” who are still figuring things out, and helping them figure things out. I also think my mentee is already a great fit for graduate school or whatever she wants to do after college.

The challenging thing about the nature of mentor-mentee relationships is that they have quite a bit of a personal touch to them. You draw from your own personal experience. There’s a fine line between speaking from your experience and being so full of yourself. True mentorship comes from a place where you see your mentees as unique individuals who bring something to the table and want to let them shine on their own. As much as I love being a mentor, I am aware that I’m still learning and will always be learning.

I believe that, to me, the most integral part of academia is not being able to conduct your own independent research. It is to guide someone through something bigger than them. Let them make mistakes and let them learn from their mistakes. To be patient with them. Seeing how my own advisor deals with five different individuals as his graduate students on a daily basis, I can see how intricate this very task could be. It depends on constant adjustments. Always being open to listening to what they have to say. It’s about creating a safe and valid space for them to share their wildest dreams and their darkest fears.

My boss would call it being the “academic parent” to them. It sure feels like parenting sometimes. In fact, most of the time! I mean, how hard could it be, right?

Jokes aside, there is no greater joy than seeing your kids figure things out. I call them my kids because calling them my students or undergrads is just an understatement. Ultimately, if I’m not being too hopeful, inspiring someone to carry the light forward is the one true purpose I can think of. If anything, mentoring is such a fulfilling aspect of being in academia. Probably my #1 reason for sticking to academia, no matter how bad things are.

So, back to the main question: Will I ever leave academia? No! Does that make me a crazy person? Probably yes, but who cares? As long as I can make someone see their own “aha” moment, it’s all worth it!

#academia #gradlife #thoughts #higherpurpose

Here’s a picture of our cool PI trying to figure out the latest addition to the lab, as if it were his own project.